Page 66/365 : A Murderers Paradise

Wrapped up all work for the week as I have Friday off. We’re going to the wedding of Katy Allan and Martin McKinney up in Northumberland.

The post-work-get-ready was fun. First of all, the tie that’s been sent for my outfit was the wrong colour! Doh! Secondly, Elle’s fascinator didn’t turn up so it was a quick dash to the White Rose Center to get that sorted. Then it was time for my last minute packing, as is always the case…and could I find any undies or socks anywhere? Could I Fuck!

Anyway, once that was sorted and I had bashed out the stains and toughness from a few pairs of Y-Fronts, we were ready for the near two hour drive up north.

The A1.

Ah, the lovely A1 with its lack of lights and lack of three lanes to drive in. It’s a constant weave left and right, from behind a lorry, to alongside a lorry, to in front of a lorry to let the 100mph Audi and BMW drivers fly past. Wankers!

We got past Darlington, we got to Newcastle and there was still an hour on the Sat Nav!!! Where the hell were we going??? We passed the Angel Of The North, the fear-inducing beast which feels sinister and wrong, standing high above the motorway, mocking anyone who dare come further north with its arms out in a “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough” kind of gesture.

The surroundings got darker, there became a sudden lack of people on the road…then we turned off into absolute darkness. Some winding lanes, a couple of villages, a Wooden Toy shop (!). We could hardly see anything around us, then we passed a glamorous building, a beautiful building in good surroundings, Newton Hall, the venue for tomorrow’s wedding…but we weren’t staying there. Nope…we were heading to some Cottages further on and down some more dirt-track lanes. When we pulled up to the cottages it became apparent we were the only ones there. Poor Luke had been waiting in the cottages since about 6…all alone…how he hadn’t been murdered is beyond me, it’s the type of place that you watch in the films where everyone dies off one by one, slow, agonizing deaths! But Luke is about 8ft tall, he’d play the hero who fell towards the end of the film…but here we were now…and let’s face it, it’s always the fat guy to get done over first…I am screwed!

To be fair, the cottages are absolutely lovely and somewhere I would definitely come again…just when it was lighter…and not absolute darkness!!!

Ellie and Andy turned up and we all had a few beers and plenty of chat before bed time…prime Cottage Murderer time…

…in the middle of the night, there was a loud crash. Elle nudged me and said “What was that?” I went back to sleep…I ain’t the fool to be the first to go and investigate a “noise” never to return…! Fuck that!

Looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. The venue looks absolutely beautiful and I am sure it will be an absolutely brilliant day.

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One Response to Page 66/365 : A Murderers Paradise

  1. Louise says:

    Maybe the guy all alone was the murderer!!!!!!!!!!!

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