Missing Leeds United games is never something I like doing. Missing Home games is something I like doing even less. Today, Millwall came to Elland Road on the back of two wins. Leeds of course yet to get 3 points under their belt…and where was I going to be? In the woods in Wakey shooting up with a load of other boys…that’s right…we’re going Paintballing!
I have never been paintballing…ever…but I have seen and heard tales of the near-death experiences that people have gone through at the hands of those pellets of paint…so I was fearing it as much as I was looking forward to it. I met up at Kev’s house with most of our group and off we toddled towards Wakey. Delta Force is just off the M1 towards Denby Dale. We pulled into what looked like army barracks, ready for the day’s fun. After filling out one of those “if you die its your own fault” forms that we all know and love, it was time to get kitted out. First up was the helmet…and I was handed what can only be described as a facemask…no head-guard or throat guard or anything…bollocks to that! I swapped my helmet for a full-headed, yet smaller helmet to squeeze my melon into.
Next up was the body armour…now, bear in mind that shortly, paint pellets are going to be striking your body at around 100mph…and we were given a set of overalls that made us look like seedy Ghostbusters and a “bulletproof” vest that might as well have been a sheet of cling-film for all it was worth!
Much merriment ensued as we all slipped into our gear for the day. Checking out Danny’s incredibly short legs on the outfit and the button-popping look that I was pulling off too!
We decided to buy paint in bulk. I put in with Kev & Layton to buy a £120 box of 2000…surely that would be enough between us…
After a brief about safety, it was time for the first game. We had been split into two teams of seven and were joined by other randomers! I was on Team Black! Our first game was to be the Afgham Command Post! Hell yeah.
The idea was to get a stick of dynamite all the way up the course and into the cabin…easy eh? Well…I was shitting myself. Off we ran into the game zone with paint pellets flying. I covered myself behind a bunker and wellied off a few shots before going behind a tree. There I needed to reload and as I was doing so *BLAM* paint pellet exploding on my shoulder and I was out! As I walked off, I tipped my semi-loaded gun up and out spilt all my paintballs…shit!
I borrowed a few more and ran out of them in the turn-around as we defended pretty damn quick. Then I just had to take a bullet and leave…cue a bullet to my right knee!
250 pellets used in the first two games…I had to be more conservative!
The next game was the Chemical Alley. Big barrells everywhere which were bloody loud when getting hit. I didn’t last too long on both games…but next up was the Haunted Graveyard!
It was a “capture the flag” game in the graveyard and I decided it was Hero Time! I made an early dash to a grave and picked off 3 people with some amazingly long shots. Then I got giddy and made a dash for it…up the right flank I legged it. I could see paint pellets flying past my head, most of them connecting with the marshall as I bombed past him. I almost made it to the flag before taking a shot to the left knee…damn!
We had terrorist attacks where we protected the President and a Bridge defence game before the Big Game in which we had a free-for-all and I peppered Kev with a barrage of skin-twatting bullets.
All-in-all, paintballing was top notch fun. We got in the car afterwards and I found out Leeds had won 3-1 against Millwall in what happened to be the greatest game of football in a long time! Typical!
That night we went to South Leeds Connie Club for a pissup which involved many Jelly Shots and beers and excessive Karaoke and Little Elvis who had to be seen to be believed!!!
We finished the night off at the Stone Roses bar before taxiing home!