Horror Month 3/31 – Jurassic Shark ◊

When is a shark not a shark? When it’s a terrible CGI Monstrosity that’s when!

Jurassic_Shark-882415493-large

£3 this cost me at my local ASDA. Luckily I get 10% discount because that 30p I saved is about the amount of budget that went into making what can only be described as one of the worst films I have ever witnessed in my life.

I rated this film a ◊ instead of a ♥ because it’s not even worth a single point of love.

Laughable is truly the only way to describe this.

There’s the loosest of plots that revolves around an oil company whose drilling has released a Megolodon (massive prehistoric shark) into the waters around an island, on which are trapped three girls (who incidentally manage to take their clothes on and off from a state of half-dressed to bikini-clad on way too many occassions), and three of the worst thieves you have seen since Home Alone. Their story is that they have a painting worth a lot of money that drops into the water where the shark is roaming and after capturing the girls, sends the girls into the water to retrieve it.

If you thought the plot was low on actual content, the number of actually well delivered lines of dialogue is even lower.

You have a guy who was literally cast because he looks like a meatier version of Vin Diesel (he throws sticks of dynamite like a fucking legend though), a latino stereotype  who keeps fist-bumping people’s shoulders (yeah I have no idea why either) and a woman who looks like she got lost on the way to a budget fetish party.

Then there’s the CGI which looks like it was knocked up on a Commodore 64…and the type of continuity that makes you laugh. One of the girls literally gets shot, going on about losing loads of blood when there’s not a hint of claret in sight, which conveniently gets forgotten about ten minutes later.

If you really have nothing to do and this is your last resort, you need to reevaluate your life.

Enjoy!

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This entry was posted in #Leeds Film Club, 2019, Halloween, Movies. Bookmark the permalink.

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